I should really be sleeping.. but too many thoughts are consuming my mind tonight to even think about dozing off.
I started back at work on Sunday.. a few hours shy of full time. I haven't even been back a full week yet and I'm completely exhausted. Today wasn't a good day.. since I've had such a lack of sleep, it's brought out the bitchy side of me. I fought with the father of my child today. I know this is like a daily thing for us, but today it was totally different. I feel completely defeated by life. No one ever wants to admit that they can't handle it on their own, but I'm a stubborn person and I'll wait til I'm drained before I ask for help. I don't even know why, but after talking to him on the phone for about 20 minutes.. I feel more upset and broken than I ever have before. I feel like we need to talk to each other in person, or else we will always resent each other and we can't have that for our child. The only thing I feel like doing right now is curling up in a ball and crying. I know that won't solve anything or make my life easier.. but I don't have the energy to do anything else. It's hard to talk to him and still have feelings for him. And I know I have resentment towards him because of all the shitty things he has done to me.. and I'm afraid I won't ever be able to get over it. How can you hate someone so much.. but still love them?
I dunno.. I know I'm not done ranting about this because I still have a lot on my mind.. but I'm literally so caught up in emotion right now to blog about it. I'll post more later..