Honestly..

I want to know how having a baby changed his life. I don't know why I want to hear such a dreadful thing come out of his mouth, but I need it to fulfill my satisfaction I guess because I know having a baby didn't affect his life one bit. When you have a baby, you are no longer first. You put your baby before everything else in your life. You barely get a second to yourself unless you have amazing friends and family like mine that help you out when they are available.. which I have and I adore every single one of them.

So the father of my child, "M", baby's daddy, asshole.. whatever you prefer to call him.. decided to text me yesterday which read "sorry I can't be around more I'm just super busy right now, I really do wanna be around him more", which I found to be a bunch of bullshit. I didn't answer.. for two reasons. 1. I'm busy taking care of a one month old and am "too busy" to respond with the novel I have planned out for him.. and 2. I have nothing nice to say to him and I know it'll start a fight if I tell it how it is. Ya know how people say.. "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".. well my dad, being the funny man that he is, said that if that statement applied to him, then he would be a very quiet man. This makes me laugh because it's true. If you know me well.. you know I'm not a very nice person.. that is, if you're on my bad side. I'm very sarcastic too.. which also comes off as being mean. I am nice, to my close friends, but those are very few. Anyways that was off topic.. but I thought I'd throw that in there to add some humor to my life.

I guess what I'm trying to get out is the fact that my baby hasn't made any impact on his fathers life, but has completely altered mine.. I'm not complaining because I'd do anything for my little man, I just wish his father would do the same. It's called priorities.. and his are in the wrong order.

Maybe he should ask himself.. Can I be the kind of father she needs me to be? And if he can't.. then he needs to walk away..