Thursday, January 8, 2009

My life is exhausting..

My life is far from easy. I have a 4 week old baby that I take care of all by myself. I appreciate the very few people I have in my life that are there to help me out when I need it. My mom lives over an hour away in Canada so she helps when she can, my best friend lives an hour away but definitely helps me out a lot when she's home and adores my baby A, and the rest of my friends and family help when they can. But as my close friends know, I'm a very independent girl. I don't ask for help often and I'm not about to leave my child off onto someone else. He's my world.. and even though I'm exhausted and worn down most of the time.. I wouldn't trade it for anything. And even though it doesn't seem like much, having someone there to give me that half hour break just to take a shower or take a nap, really does mean a lot to me and is greatly appreciated!

The father came around everyday for the first week or so after Aaden was born. The visits started out lasting hours at a time, then going down to hour visits. Eventually he got "busy" and had to miss a day and now he doesn't come around at all. I can't say I didn't see it coming because in the back of my mind I knew this would happen sooner or later, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and not have negative thoughts.. until now. It kills me that he can't even take 2 seconds out of his day to send a little text asking how his son is doing that day or to ask if I need a break. It's like it never crosses his mind.. does he remember he has a son? I'm alone all day long.. taking care of the baby and not doing anything for myself unless he's sleeping. I barely find time to eat, shower, do the laundry and the dishes, clean the house, and most importanly.. sleep. They always say to sleep when the baby sleeps, but how are you supposed to do that when you have a million other things to do on top of taking care of a baby? I never knew something could be so hard, yet have such a rewarding feeling at the same time.

Sometimes I just wish the father would realize what's important in life and stop thinking of himself for once. I guess you can say I had hope in the beginning that once Aaden was born things would change.. that's what we call false hope. You can't change someone that doesn't want to change.


saveyoursoul said...

You can't break a broken heart either huh? I love you honey, I'm here for you anytime!!

Ps. I nominated you on my blog,if you ever get a second to breathe

Lindsay said...

You and I need to just surround ourselves with the good people..or at least try. Hah happy 1 month baby A!!! <3