Who will..

..be there to catch me when I fall?

Baby "A"s daddy and I have been going through a lot lately trying to get things ready for court in a week.. and today was definitely a reality check. He informed me that when he's done with school in May, he plans to join the army. After those words came out of his mouth, everything else seemed like a blur. I've heard him mention it before, but now it's actually here.. less than 2 months away.. and I can't handle it. This decision doesn't only effect him.. it effects baby "A" and I too. What if something happens to him? How can he leave his son for that long.. and not knowing whether he'll be coming home or not. I've been as strong as I possibly can considering all the stuff I've been put through.. but I honestly don't think I am strong enough to come to terms with this. Even though I am practically a single parent now.. he's still there when I really need him. I'm not going to have that anymore.. he's going to be gone.. and not only is he not going to be there to help me.. he's not going to be there for his son. His family needs him more than he realizes, but talking to him about this situation makes me sick to my stomach.

I'll be in denial until the day comes where he's actually leaving us..


**I'll post more later..