Friday, February 20, 2009

I don't listen.. ever..

Lately I feel like I'm that girl in the scary movie that people always yell at.. "don't go in that room" or "why doesn't she run".. but the movies don't listen and neither do I. I wish I did. People could be screaming at me to keep my mouth shut when it would be in my best interest to do so, but I don't hear a word they say, I just open my big mouth and ruin everything that's going good in my life. The girl in the movie always goes into the room with the killer.. and I always say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

I had this hope inside of me for a long time.. and it got crushed on Monday night. I'm not going to go into detail, but my close friends know my situation that I'm talking about. And after making a complete ass out of myself over text.. I decided that wasn't good enough for me.. I also had to call and make a complete ass out of myself over the phone. I poured my heart out to the guy I fell for 3 years ago and for some reason, he's still distant. Why is it that as soon as I get into a good relationship and things are going great.. I run the other way and push that person away from me. And for some reason, even after leaving me when I was 4 months pregnant, I still can't find it in my heart to hate him. I'm pretty sure he could hear it in my voice that I was crying, but I tried to fight back the tears long enough to tell him how badly he hurt me. It hurt to have to see him when I was pregnant and it hurts to have to see him now, but I have to get used to it because we have a baby together. At the end of me crying in his ear and him shooting down my hopes of us ever trying this together.. he has the nerve to say "just drop it for awhile and let me think about it". I didn't want him to say that.. because that's what gave me hope in the first place. I asked him if he ever thought about us trying it together and he said he does.. but then when I mentioned it to him Monday he said he thought about it, but knows it would never work. He doesn't know that it wouldn't work.. he's just assuming. I hate that more than anything. He isn't even willing to try.

I'm just a girl standing here.. waiting for you to love her..

1 comment:

Lindsay said...

Some day we are going to write a book together. And it will be a bestseller and we will be rich. Just keep that in mind.